Bottomless to Sober

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Join me as I candidly share personal experiences, answering powerful questions from a recent Q&A that touch on self-confidence, sobriety, moderation, and the complexities of dating without the influence of substances. It is a conversation that celebrates the small yet significant choices that forge the path to reclaiming not just sobriety, but also the self-esteem that addiction often corrodes.

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I share Chris's story, one of the first people I interviewed for Bottomless to Sober. Chris's early beginnings, marked by being born into addiction and later adopted, set the stage for a life of searching and self-discovery. His challenges with substance use, identity, and the moments of connecting with his biological parents, offer a raw glimpse into the complexities of healing. His unique approach to sobriety, diverging from the traditional AA path and embracing personal rituals, serves as a powerful reminder that the journey to recovery is deeply personal and distinctly individual.

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Listen in as I share a personal narrative, starting with my mom’s unwavering lunch routine that travels from Brooklyn to Costa Rica, and how it serves as a launchpad for a larger conversation on inherited beliefs. I tackle the importance of questioning the doctrines passed down by our mothers and consider the influence of societal structures like patriarchy on these generational patterns. The discussion expands to embrace insights from Kelly McDaniel’s “Mother Hunger,” providing a framework for adult daughters to understand and heal from the absence of nurturance, protection, and guidance.

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In this episode:

Listen in as I share a personal narrative, starting with my mom's unwavering lunch routine that travels from Brooklyn to Costa Rica, and how it serves as a launchpad for a larger conversation on inherited beliefs. I tackle the importance of questioning the doctrines passed down by our mothers and consider the influence of societal structures like patriarchy on these generational patterns. The discussion expands to embrace insights from Kelly McDaniel's "Mother Hunger," providing a framework for adult daughters to understand and heal from the absence of nurturance, protection, and guidance.

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Happy Celestial Birthday, Ian.

Storytelling saves lives.

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In this introspective episode, I dive deep into the core of our desire to please others. Is this drive a subtle quest for control, or is it rooted in age-old survival tactics? I challenge you to consider the possibility of deeper truths lying beneath the surface of people-pleasing behaviors. Before you cast judgment on yourself for seeking approval, pause and reflect with me: "What else could be true?"

This exploration isn't just about understanding why we act the way we do; it's an invitation to view ourselves through a lens of compassion and curiosity. Welcome to a space where self-discovery and empathy converge.

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Please note there was a weird audio issue with this episode, so if you don't like it, please skip it because I was not going to re-record.

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I'm minding my own business when suddenly, my sister sends a bombshell text reminder – apparently, I got married 11 years ago. I forget I have lived what feels like 100 years in less than 40 years. So, in this episode, I reflect on the lessons I didn't learn from the time I was married and how it took me getting sober to understand what I needed and how to seek it in love and relationships.

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This episode isn't just about recounting childhood memories of me stealing money for food; it's an exploration of how writing can serve as a potent tool for healing. I discuss the cathartic experience of writing about one of my childhood stories and how it helps untangle the deep-rooted issues that often lead to substance abuse. By embracing the lessons of our past, much like the Sankofa tattoo on my arm symbolizes, we can pave a way for genuine recovery and a brighter future.

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Recognizing that engaging romantically can be a massive trigger for those on a healing journey, I sought the guidance of Eliza Boquin, a licensed psychotherapist, couples therapist, and certified sex therapist for this episode. With notable features on platforms like Bustle and Cosmo, Eliza brings a wealth of expertise to the table. We dive into the delicate intersection of healing and romance, mainly focusing on the challenges faced by women in recovery. Join us as we navigate the complexities of dating for our single listeners and share insights on managing relationships for those already partnered while undergoing a healing journey, such as recovering from addiction. In this empowering episode, Eliza Boquin shares her expert advice, including touching on creating intimacy while sober, creating a supportive space for all listeners to navigate the often tumultuous landscape of love, intimacy, and recovery.

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As we navigate the ups and downs of personal relationships, deciding to go no-contact with someone can be challenging. I discuss factors to consider before making this decision. In this episode, we're digging into what might happen if you choose this path – the freedom it could bring and, possibly, the regret.

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Navigating the complex emotions of recovery is no small feat, yet understanding the principles of Don Miguel Ruiz's The Four Agreements gives us tools to foster peace, self-compassion and clarity. This episode is a testament to the healing potential of these agreements, especially within the framework of sobriety. 

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CW: pregnancy loss and death by overdose

This episode touches on the unlearning that happens when "doing the next right thing" is overshadowed by life's cruelest twists. I discuss how recovery has taught me to handle the hard things, including navigating a miscarriage—a topic often kept silent yet desperately needing a voice.

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I dive into a heartfelt exploration of the complex dance of forgiveness, boundary-setting, and finding community that accompanies recovery with fellow sober traveler Dana White-Guerrie, owner of the Yarn Consolery LLC. We highlight how forgiveness sometimes involves crafting the space we need to heal rather than rekindling harmful ties. Listen in to learn about where we go to heal when we need to distance ourselves from those who hurt us.

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Let's explore the complex emotions that come with the turn of the new year. This week, we reflect on self-forgiveness and the often unspoken struggle with guilt and shame, particularly when it comes to our New Year resolutions. With wisdom from Brené Brown, and Brianna Wiest, I break down the distinction between feeling bad about an action versus feeling unworthy as a person. Together, we'll ask the hard questions about our feelings and whether they truly resonate with our values or if they're imposed by external standards.

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I explore the emotional toll of navigating the holiday season while staying sober—a beautiful yet daunting tightrope walk. We talk about the importance of reframing the experience of guilt, so it's more tolerable and discuss looking ahead at 2024 including a new book study opportunity!

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We've all heard of post-traumatic stress disorder, so listen in as Jasmine Vatuloka from Rising Rooted Wellness, a post-traumatic growth coach with a counseling background, discusses the transformative nature of post-traumatic growth. We discuss relationship struggles and the importance of defining what "safe enough" means for each individual.

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I share a recent talk I gave at a treatment facility for women about finding and using your voice to recover. I discuss the terrifying experience of almost being exposed by a former friend/love interest and how I turned that fear into courage. I also share the effects of intergenerational silence on mental health, and I emphasize the power of breaking the generational silence, encouraging you to reclaim your voice and use it as an essential tool in your recovery journey.

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I reflect on my personal experience with addiction and how storytelling helped me after years of keeping my drinking a secret as a teacher. I share my viral op-ed article, which was published in the Louisville Courier-Journal, and got me on Red Table Talk. I touch on the fear and shame surrounding addiction, reminding you that if you ever feel alone, you're not. I also discuss some resources to learn more about addiction beyond the disease model, which is frequently presented in treatment facilities.

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Kiola Raines takes us beyond getting sober. As a Black woman, her recovery journey unfolds against a backdrop of unique challenges that fuel her mission to establish safe havens for individuals like herself. Join us as we explore the distinct hurdles Black women encounter when seeking support for addiction, from the glaring lack of representation to the enduring impact of the "war on drugs." Kiola not only sheds light on these issues but also takes proactive steps to rewrite the narrative and dismantle beliefs that could impede recovery. Check out this insightful conversation that goes beyond the surface, delving into the transformative work of reshaping the recovery landscape for Black women and other women of color.

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Listen in as I discuss the challenging and sometimes very uncomfortable decisions I've made that led me to recovery and, ultimately, saved my life. The journey to recovery has not been easy, as I share about selling my beloved house and moving into my sister's guest room in Tampa. I also recount how I had to quit my prestigious teaching job and switch to working an entry-level sales job, a decision that, although humbling, was crucial to my recovery. Oh, and dating? My recovery definitely made that interesting.

Tune in as I continue to shed light on the other critical aspects of my recovery journey, including the use of medication and the idea that no matter when and where we start on this path, we are exactly where we need to be.

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Content Warning: Discussion of pregnancy loss and abortion

As I sat down with Kenneth Watson, known as 12 Faces of Sober, a rush of raw emotions filled the room. His story of struggle, transformation, and the joy of fatherhood took me on a journey that deeply resonated with me. From his past experiences with abortion and miscarriage fueling his addiction, to finding strength and hope in fatherhood and sobriety, Kenneth's candid revelations served as a powerful testament to human resilience and the invaluable role of a supportive community.

Walking us through the dark alleys of his life, Kenneth was open about his mental health struggles and the impact of his father's alcoholism. His transition from casual drinking to addiction, taking him through the military, a tumultuous marriage, and multiple rehab stints, was a stark reminder of the havoc addictions can wreak. But it was equally inspiring to see how he found light at the end of this dark tunnel, breaking free from addiction and embracing the joy of fatherhood.

However, our conversation did not stop at his personal journey. We also delved into the larger implications of addiction, highlighting that it knows no racial, ethnic, or socioeconomic boundaries. Kenneth brought forth the necessity for mainstream recovery to be inclusive of people of color, and how sobriety can serve as a rebellion against historical alcohol-induced control mechanisms. Join us on this enlightening journey as Kenneth shares his path to sobriety, the joys and challenges of fatherhood, and the empowering lessons he's picked up along the way.

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Join me as I tackle the challenges of navigating the holidays while maintaining sobriety.

This episode takes a hard look at our programmed thoughts, particularly those we've clung onto since childhood, and how they might not truly resonate with us. To help you combat these, I introduce a simple, yet profound question to ask yourself: "So what?" This question is a handy tool to challenge your thoughts throughout the holiday season. The second half of this episode discusses the concept of safety in recovery and how to establish it within ourselves. We explore how alcohol can make us feel like we need it for survival when in fact we don't.

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How do you transform your life from a crippling addiction to a beacon of inspiration?

What if you could redefine your future, regardless of your past?

Join me for an incredibly raw and inspiring conversation with Nico Morales as we explore his tumultuous journey from addiction to recovery. Nico bravely shares his experiences growing up in Albuquerque, New Mexico, and takes us through his struggles with the opioid epidemic and his battle with drug use, which escalated to the point of heroin addiction.

As we move further into Nico's story, we learn about his decision to quit drugs and the process of self-work he had to undertake to overcome his addiction. We also touch on his struggle with avascular necrosis and how the motivation to be a good uncle led him to finally work to healing his body. Nico shares his ongoing journey to maintain a healthy, substance-free life and how he has replaced his dependency on substances with healthier habits. Listen in as Nico inspires us all with his resilience, determination, and journey to personal development.

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In this episode, I explore the intricate journey of letting go, which looks different depending on where you are at in your life journey. I dive into a personal story of letting go of a romantic connection, who, after waiting for a year of sobriety to get serious with them, their response - a suggestion to "focus on your recovery" - prompted a deeper examination of what it means to work on recovery and the fear of being alone. Ultimately, today's episode focuses on finding peace and self-worth throughout life's transitions.

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In this emotionally powerful episode of Bottomless to Sober, I delve into the inspiring and heart-wrenching story of Ana, a young woman whose life was deeply impacted by addiction and mental health challenges. Ana's journey is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the importance of shedding light on the hidden struggles that many individuals face. At the end I also reveal what Ana does for a living, which may leave listeners surprised because of the assumptions we so frequently make about people struggling with addiction.

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Ever been on the receiving end of a hateful glare from your partner's ex? We're uncovering empowering ways to navigate such awkward encounters, emphasizing the power of stepping back to weigh our options and potential consequences, reshaping our mindset to construct a more positive narrative, and taking action without shouldering the responsibility for others' emotions and responses. 

Then, I also share a part of my rehab journey from the brink of despair to belting out tunes at a karaoke session in rehab. I share the magic of "snapshot moments" - those randomly profound instances of hope and inspiration that encapsulate the resilience of the human spirit. Join me as I reminisce about Danielle, the staff member who illuminated the possibility of joy sans alcohol, and young Elly, whose bold performance became my unforgettable snapshot moment. 

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I discuss maturity as presented in the context of a poem by Diego Perez, aka Yung Pueblo, how it's different from "adulting," and when to choose to use one's word based on possible outcomes.

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Do your loved ones make decisions you don't feel are best for them? This episode is for you. to help you manage your frustrations.

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I share some insights about feeling jealous and how to shift the experience of jealousy into something either practical or into an opportunity to practice acceptance.

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Content Warning - drug use and death

September is National Recovery Month. I always tell the story of meeting and falling in love with Ian so that his story lives on through me. Ian isn’t here anymore, but every person I have touched by sharing my story is someone he has touched, too. He always wanted to help others, but his life ended on April 28, 2020, due to an overdose from using again after being sober. I’ll continue telling his story as part of mine, and this recovery month will be no different. I’ll continue to share his story and lessons learned from this experience for anyone considering dating while in early recovery.

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I review the top three things I say to myself in the middle of a crisis/natural disaster to protect my sobriety as I prepare to go into a hurricane shelter with my students for Hurricane Idalia.

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I reflect on 1,000+ days of sobriety and two lessons learned. One, it's a lot easier to "just" be myself. Two, quitting can be great, and I don't mean just alcohol.

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Content Warning: Discussion of sexual assault.

Sara, a survivor of sexual assault, struggled with substance abuse to escape her pain. But realizing its temporary relief and the dark path she was on, she eventually embarked on her recovery journey. (Sara shared her story anonymously with me and asked that I change her name to protect her privacy.)

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I discuss my experience of having alcoholic liver disease (ALD) and answer common questions. How did I know that I had it? What was the treatment? What were the signs of ALD?

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In this episode, I discuss the power of looking at your past as full of learning experiences rather than letting shame and guilt overpower you. You're the best source of knowledge for how to navigate decision-making moving forward. It's a matter of tapping into yourself to be able to do so.

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You don't have to be a sober person in recovery to have a history of making poor choices. In this episode, I discuss coping with the highs and lows of dealing with other humans being flawed individuals and how you can extract information from your experiences to keep you mindful and not jaded. People only show us what they choose to reveal, so how can we be kind to ourselves when we miss red flags?

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In this episode, I sit down with Brian, a school administrator with a remarkable journey to share. Brian opens up about his past as one of the few Black male elementary school teachers he knew. On top of that, he shares how he battled alcohol addiction and navigated the challenging road to sobriety. Listen to learn about educators' struggles as they balance teaching responsibilities with personal demons and what tools you can take for your journey.

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Content warning - Description of a car crash and death

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I connect with Martin Lockett, who recently reached the second anniversary of his release from prison after serving 17.5 years for a DUI manslaughter charge. Martin provides an insightful reflection on his childhood, particularly the mindset of a teen trapped in a cycle of making poor choices and how an environment can impact an individual. Martin also discusses how the experience of causing a tragedy and subsequently going to prison, instead of cementing the ceiling placed over his head by society, enabled him to shatter it.

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I share my recovery story a lot, but in this episode, I sit down with my big sis, Sofia, to have a raw conversation about her part in my story of addiction and recovery. Several key things we discuss in this episode:

1. Professional help. The person with the addiction isn't the only one who benefits from it.
2. Managing guilt.
3. Understanding what is in your locus of control.
4. Setting boundaries.
5. Current worries.

If this episode touches your heart, you MAY feel inspired to follow my sister Sofia or say hello. Sofia's boundary is she will not welcome strangers following her/adding her as a friend, so if you listen to this and want to send her a message, please message me, and I'll pass it on to her. :)

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I share about navigating through a day of feeling triggered after a disagreement in a personal relationship, and share specific strategies for getting through the tough days without a drink.

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I talk through the process of identifying that which is in our control (or not) in order to help alleviate stress. I also walk through a journal exercise you can do on your own, or you can grab a free worksheet if you prefer to print and do this exercise on a handout. 

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Content Warning - language

I discuss how I went from wanting to get sober (but still drinking) to actually becoming willing to do the work to get sober, including information on how I got my bipolar II diagnosis, being willing to use medication, deciding to get off prescription medication, and what I do today to maintain sobriety. 

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Content Warning: language, death, drug use

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Initially, I was going to tell my general story, but as I recorded, I realized this episode is more about my life before I got sober. I share how things started for me in childhood as a daughter of immigrants with all the pressure to fulfill the “American dream,” and how I eventually managed to win Teacher of the Year while drinking a fifth of alcohol a day, up through the loss of my partner and finally coming to a place of stopping drinking and how I stopped.

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I talk about the shame that can be experienced from feeling stuck on goals that we may have set early on in the year, and do a dive into some of the work around goals that I facilitate to make sure that what you're working on is resonating with you.

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Content Warning: car accident, suicidal ideation, substance abuse, strong language

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I share about why we should stay sober even when the current events repeatedly show themselves are darker and grimmer. I offer an alternative to the thought, "The world has gone to hell, so why bother getting sober?"

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I talk about my experiences with dating and provide suggestions for managing navigating dating while in recovery. What I WON'T do is tell you to avoid dating in the first year.

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I share a story about my mother recently attempting to fat shame me, how I handled it, and I share strategies for how you can handle your loved ones.

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