Untangling Relationships

Embrace Your Own Healing Journey "Untangling Relationships" offers profound insights into the healing process, not just for trauma but for anyone navigating the complexities of emotional growth and relationship dynamics. Janae and Penney’s candid discussion sheds light on the importance of acknowledging the stages of healing, embracing the nonlinear nature of this journey, and continually working towards self-understanding and compassion. As you navigate your own spiral staircase of healing, remember, each step, whether it feels like progress or a setback, is an integral part of your journey towards healing. The conversations between Janae and Penney remind us of the power of openness, mindfulness, and the courage to face ourselves with kindness and compassion.

In this mini-episode, we discuss one of the first key components to successful communication- the antidotes to criticism and defensiveness. We explore the importance of positive need statements over criticism and the steps to take accountability and empathy to address defensiveness. We work through examples and encourage you to start applying these skills to various relationships for better communication.

Sign up for round one of our couples communication online course here. Starting April 15th, 2024

We have been working with couples for the past 3 years- Here are our favorite tools we use and what we have learned so far.

In the realm of relationships, trust and trustworthiness lay the foundation upon which intimacy and connection are built. Episode 29 of "Untangling Relationships," hosted by Janae and Penney, delves into these critical elements, providing listeners with a deep understanding of their meanings and implications within romantic and other relationships.
Exploring Trust and Trustworthiness
Trust, as discussed by our hosts, is the belief in your partner's commitment and their unwavering support. It's about feeling secure that your partner is "all in," dedicated to the relationship without doubts or hesitations. Trustworthiness, on the other hand, extends beyond trust, embodying the willingness to prioritize the relationship's needs over one's own. This distinction lays the groundwork for a deeper exploration of how these concepts manifest in relationships, especially romantic ones.
Grounding their conversation in the research and insights from John Gottman and Dan Silver's book, "What Makes Love Last: How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal," Janae and Penney navigate through the complexities of trust and trustworthiness. They bring to light how even in new relationships, where trust may be high, trustworthiness needs time and actions to flourish fully.

Week 1: Theme of thought: remembering why you chose them:  

• Each day write down one reason why you fell in love with your partner.  

Week 2: Theme of Thought: How am I focusing on changing/Keeping the I a WE:  

• Spend the week focused on the We’s instead of the I’s. Write down daily the things you have in common, beliefs and values you both share, and mutual goals you support each other around.  

Week 3: Theme of Thought: Remembering the magic of the love story. 

• Spend the week writing down daily the beautiful moments in your love story then and now.  

Week 4: Theme of Thought: Loving the culture of our relationship 

• Write down daily what are the things in our relationship that I am proud of and enjoy? 

Week 5:  Theme of Thought: What makes this person the perfect partner for my journey. 

• Spend every day writing down one reason why your partner is one you chose and continue to choose to be your partner in life.  

Week 6: Theme of Thought: Looking for things to appreciate. 

• Write a love letter each day to your partner and you can choose to share them or not. 

Week 7: Theme of Thought: Continuing to build connections and prioritize the relationship. 

•  Make a plan to go on a romantic activity together in.. One week, One month, 3 months, 6 months , and 1 year.

Good luck and remember we are all in this together and making the best of every day we have in our relationship.  

Unraveling the Knot: Uncovering the 6 Predictors of Divorce Through Reality TV
It's often said that truth is stranger than fiction, but when it comes to understanding the complexities of relationships and the subtle nuances that predict divorce, reality TV might just provide some of the best real-life examples.

In this episode, we'll break down some key insights and concepts as illustrated by the reality show "Married at First Sight." We discuss the predictors of divorce, focusing on a couple's communication and body language issues. This episode highlights the importance of positive need statements, self-soothing, attunement, and building trust in relationships. We emphasize the impact of these factors on relationship dynamics and potential divorce outcomes for 'Married at First Sight' couple Cameron and Clare.

Continue learning from past couple's communication skills episodes

In Episode 26 of "Untangling Relationships," our hosts, Janae and Penney, bring to the table an insightful and open-ended conversation about body positivity and acceptance. They are joined by McKenzie, the creator of a local body acceptance community, Body Kind.

This discussion underscores the significance of self-compassion, mindfulness, and inclusive spaces to promote body acceptance. It also sheds light on the societal shift required to redefine beauty and body norms. Above all, it emphasizes that losing weight or changing your body isn’t a prerequisite for happiness.

Links Mentioned

Welcome to episode 22 where hosts, Janae and Penney, discuss the concept of mental load, the cognitive effort required to manage situations and complete tasks, with specific emphasis on the mental load associated with the holidays. Key points include how mental loads are assigned and the impact on individuals and their relationships. We suggest ways to share and manage the mental load to reduce stress, fatigue, and burnout.

Here are some links for continuing your learning

Today's episode starts with different holiday perspectives based on Google search trends tied to Thanksgiving in different states, from the types of food served to different ways people spend the holiday.

We also discuss tips on handling the holiday better, including letting go of expectations, sharing chores, and avoiding the pressure of perfection, among others.

This conversation touches on issues like food shaming, body neutrality, and breaking stereotypes about expected gender roles on this occasion.

We wish all our listeners a happy Thanksgiving and encourage you to celebrate in ways that feel most comfortable and enjoyable to you.

Links for this Episode

This episode is all about blended or crockpot families, growing up in them, and/or parenting through them. Penney and Janae chat about their personal experiences and perspectives on blended families. They discuss tips and advice on the dos and don'ts in bringing two families together and creating space for everyone involved.

Welcome to our last episode in this parenting mini-series. Today we are joined by all three of our parenting couples to talk to them about how their relationships have changed over the course of having their first child/ first pregnancy. Each of the parents gives insight on how to keep intimacy alive, ways to handle differences in parenting styles, and what they wish more people knew about raising a child in today's world.

Feel free to catch up on our other episodes in this series Ep. 16 & 17 were great conversations with just the moms and then just the dads!

Join us for a special conversation with a group of moms who are getting candid about their journeys. We dive into their biggest societal pet peeves, their top tips for other moms and parents, and some of their favorite memories from motherhood. These moms have wonderful perspectives to share and insights to learn from. We are so lucky to have them on the pod. I hope you enjoy this episode.

CW: Infertility

Look out for next week's episode with the Dads!

This episode is a debrief from our women's retreat between Penney, Janae, and our guest Tina. We talk about the big takeaways we gained from the retreat and give tips on how to keep the momentum going after you have gone through a phase of transformation and change.

Links mentioned:

This episode opens up conversations about making friends as an adult. We discuss the internal and external barriers to friendship. What are the personal responsibilities around friendships vs. societal responsibilities? We end by giving some actionable steps to creating deeper friendships and how to have connected conversations about your expectations and needs in these relationships.

Unlocking the power behind understanding your different nervous system states is one of the biggest game changers for mental health, relationship wellness, and healing. Penney and I talk about our personal journeys with understanding our nervous system reactions and then dig deep into explaining the different nervous system states. The episode ends with tips on how to notice where you are at within regulation or reaction and how you can come back to states of calm.

This episode is all about compromise. Join us as we discuss what can get in the way of compromise, what are the differences between gridlock and solvable issues, and how to step out of defensiveness when talking through compromises.

Penney and I talk about third places in this episode. What are they, how do they impact us, and what to do to get back to them... are all answered and more in our 10th (!!) episode.

We hope you enjoy it and share this episode with a friend who you want to join you in third-place adventures.

Links :

In this episode, we break down imposter syndrome, talk about what it is, who gets it, and top 5 tips for dealing with it. Join Penney and me as we explore the times where we have combated imposter syndrome in our lives and what tools we are using to stop perfectionism, shame, and fear from running the show. Here's to brave explorers and compassionate connections in our lives that stop imposter syndrome in its path.

For more resources check out...

Please welcome guests Tina and Tori to the pod with this week's episode where we get the whole Hilltop Wellness team together for a candid conversation about the past two years of starting a new and women-owned business. We discuss the strengths and weaknesses we have found throughout this journey as well as what our "whys" were in starting the company.

Stick around to the end of the episode to hear everyone's favorite memories are from the last two years and share lots of laughter with us as we tell some fun stories.

This is a bonus mini-episode! If you would like access to all of the companion mini-episodes for each main episode you can become a patron. You can sign up and get more information at www.patreon.com/UntanglingRelationships

The actionable steps you can take to have conversations about boundaries. Use these phrases and steps to guide you through the hard conversations of boundary setting.

1. Find a time to have the conversation where you can have a clear, calm, and confident voice.

2. Use a gentle start-up

3. Be direct, specific, and clear about your needs

4. Allow the other person to express their perspective and feelings

5. Find common ground and understanding that meets both of your needs and boundaries

Tips at the end of the mini-episode for what to do and say if your boundary conversation goes sideways. ❤️

We are talking about our own relationships with our significant others. We talk about a few Gottman Skill techniques we use in our relationships like rituals of connection and turning towards. We break down 5 relationship myths and give some perspective on moving away from those societal expectations of what your relationship is supposed to look like.

This episode opens up the conversation around mother-daughter relationships and dives into shame, parenthood, growing pains between parents and children and so much more. We hope you enjoy this episode!